It's like lemonade- Sweet, Tangy, and Refreshing!

February 20, 2007

In the Thrifty Nickel

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! To all my family and friends. Wishing all of your a wonderful and "full of love" Valentine's Day. Mark, Angie, Tony, Michael, Mema and Papa, Grandma and Grandpa, and "new baby" Schormann. I love you all!!! Cheri


So I found these in the Thrifty Nickel as I resume my search for a second job (partially out of boredom and partially because I refuse to give up on paying Webster back without getting yet another loan- contrary to popular belief, I have not given up on college thank-you-very-much). I know that these were not directed towards me in the least, but it did actually make me smile tonight... not forced, not whimsical... but genuine.

I really wish, more than anything, to step back seven days and then take myself out to Fast Eddies, which was, granted, only a fraction of what I was looking forward to. It's just that everything I had hoped for fizzed to dust in a matter of hours. I guess I was hoping for too much, wanting to do something special and getting shut down at every turn. I still have the list of things I'd wanted to do with him- and his friends, if they wanted to, too.

Serves me right, I guess. *shakes it off*

No wallowing.

I don't like despair.

It's just... I should have sent myself the second classified. Because Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers. You have to love yourself before anyone else can really love you. I don't even know if I like who I am.

Back to searching for a second job. Maybe I can find myself there.

February 19, 2007

Whirlwind of Emotion

Even though I'd been seeing someone, it's a fair thing to make note that much of my relationship with him has been couched in hope.

It's difficult when the one person you want to say, "Don't worry, everything's going to be all right... you'll see..." doesn't. Instead, they say an echo of someone else's words, ending with the wicked wrenching that occurs at the end of any dating situation.

If he's doing what he thinks is right... who am I to argue?

I'm sick of arguing. With him. It got to the point where I'd just listen, and no matter what I thought, what I felt, if he said I didn't, I'd go along with it... because I didn't want to get hurt. Because I was afraid that if I didn't, the spell would be broken, and I'd be back on earth again.

And then there was the letter from Jack Blue.

But someone needs to tell Jack Blue that he was wrong... wrong to give up on me, wrong to rip me to shreds on a weekly basis. I'm never going to give anyone the chance to do that to me again. Because as much as I love- loved- Drac, I never feared him until just before he ended it the first time. I never feared that wicked temper would be turned on me until then.

So now, when I recieved the wrathful vengance in the letter, it reminds me exactly why we're over... because although he swore up and down that he did at the time- he failed to trust me, even though I trusted him. I believed that he would forgive me. He didn't. So when the barbs began, it became a farce of a relationship that eventually became a distorted mirror of what we were...

So I broke his spell on the 24th.

He broke mine months before.

Now we're even.

Isn't that what he wanted?

February 03, 2007

No More

Baker: No more questions, please.
No more tests.
Comes the day you say, 'What for?'
Please.. no more.

Mysterious Man: We disappoint, we disappear, we die, but we don't.
They disappoint in turn, I fear,
Forgive, though, they won't.

Baker: No more riddles.
No more jests.
No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew.
No more quests.
No more feelings. Time to shut the door.
Just.. No more.

Mysterious Man: Running away, let's do it.
Free from the ties that bind.
No more despair, or burdens to bear,
Out there in the yonder.
Running away, go to it.
Where did you have in mind?
Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where',
You'll only be wandering blind.
Just more questions.. different kind.
Where are we to go?
Where are we ever to go?
Running away, we'll do it.
Why sit around, resigned?
Trouble is, son, the farther you run,
The more you'll be wandering blind.
For what you have left undone, and more,
What you've left behind.
We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't.

Baker: We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't.

Both: Like father, like son.

Baker: No more giants waging war!
Can't we just pursue our lives, with our children and our wives,
'Til that happy day arrives, how do you ignore
All the witches, all the curses,
All the wolves, all the lies, the false hopes, the good-bye's,
The reverses,
All the wondering what even worse is still in store!
All the children.
All the giants..
No more.


Currently, the best video of slam poetry on Youtube. I think I go back to that page every two weeks for my fix (and since I found it three months ago, that says a lot). Obviously not my video, not my poem. But god, it's poignant. The transcription might be off, but I'm sure you'll get the idea.

This is how much I love you
This is how much I hate you
This is how much I can't live without you

last night I went to a chick's house to fuck
I failed to fuck and got trapped in small talk- TV time
bailed out early

so it's midnight, dark
I'm driving
Destination unknown...
and let me tell you, my car's a ghetto special
been wrecked five times and still driving
protesting engine, wrinkled metal, and new tires
I groan(sp) down the desolate highway for coffee and an automaid(sp)

this fat waitress who works here
she's gently fat, I mean, she isn't ghastly
just childlike in the middle of all her skin

and we always talk
it's meaningless patter
Exes, drugs, money and cars
she's just getting off work and joins me for coffee
I can't help eyeing her enormous tits... thinking...

So I end up in her rattling monster of a car headed to her place
with a bottle in my lap
and she's warning me how annoying her roommate is
and I'm getting worked up inside
(God, finally laid after months)

her apartment is a dark hole
akin to a thrift shop
every corner is piled high with bits of shit
Torn sweaters, a newspaper from '88
an empty birdcage
and in the middle of it all
ah, yes... in the middle
two TV's
one no picture, and the other no sound
and the Jetsons are going so loud!

her roommate's a skinny dirty tweeker
he's hunched into a corner of the loveseat
immediately upon entering, he starts talking
first about church:
the church he goes to
why he goes to this one
who the "bad christians" are
(it seems they're all bad christians to him)
the songs they sang
what lines of hymns he disagrees with

then he starts in on the speed
the stuff he scored yesterday
the stuff he's scoring tonight
"God I love it!!!"

it gets later
it goes on so long, I'm starting to wish I'd just jerked off and went to bed
finally Katherine,
fat child,
convinces him to go shave
and shower the eight-day layer of dirt away

and without much preamble, she was unzipping me
I tried to take her shirt off, but she had issues with her fat
we kissed twice and I put it in
worked it in and out five minutes
and it was over

no love

not even sweat

just a grunt
a thanks
and a ride back to my car

This is how much I love you
This is how much I hate you
This is how much I can't live without you