Jaded

I'm currently listening to: Idobi Radio... Rancid's "Fall Back Down"

Recently, I've noticed two of my friend have gained a very jaded view of romance and love. I've personally witnessed one struggle against their feelings, only to slip back to despair and cynical ideas. I don't know what I can do to help them- I know that I didn't exactly have the same attitude as they did- did I?

Maybe I did- I've let myself fall for words before about characters in books, so it was too easy for me to fall in love with words that someone wrote to me when I first tried a personals site. Far too easy. I let my inhibitions go completely- and did something risky. I met him. And he was great. Someone I probably could have fallen in love with... I can see that now.

But I didn't meet him again. We spent a terrific afternoon togeather, and I didn't meet him again. Why? There was a kiss at the end, and I missed the fireworks completely. I took a year off after recieving a crude e-mail, only bothering to check it if there was a message for me.

Eventually, I changed my profile a little, and tried again. But I wasn't about to let myself fall for words on a screen. Not even a little. That's what I thought. The time came when I had to make a choice, and copped out. And when the other guy dropped me like a hot potato, it hurt me a little bit. Not too terribly much. I was just words. And a few pictures. And so was he. So Jess walked me down to Schnucks to get pie and Walgreens for new lipstick, and I let the itty bitty tiny fracture heal.

And when I finally met Tom two weeks later, I tried to keep my heart gaurded- but at the same time- be nice, be pleasant, be friendly. Everything he had planned was to impress me... all the risks he took... to think that I would have missed out on something so incredible...

He walked me to my doorstep- I put my key in the slot, looked back and reconsidered the situation. A kiss... that couldn't hurt, right? If you want to know if he loves you so... He was dazed for a second, and I was about to go inside when he called me back. I had apparently suprised him... he wanted to try it again. Were there fireworks? Yeah, there were. Not over the top, but yeah.

And it's only gotten better from there. Suffice to say, I'm no longer the seventeen-years single jaded girl that I used to be. I just wish that I could do something, say something, that would make things easier for both of my friends...

(Picture yoinked Oct-6-2004... will hopefully be up somewhere soon)