Closure (a good-bye)

I'm currently listening to: "Storms in Africa" by Enya on LAUNCHcast

Spalding Gray, the monologuist with a swath of silver hair and an ability to lay bare his soul in a soft, New England-flecked accent, didn't believe he was a great extrovert. "People want to have me to dinner," he told The Associated Press in 1997. "I'm not Mr. Quick. I'm not a great social satirist. I need time to absorb life. I spend a lot of time mulling, cogitating."

I wasn't Melody's best friend. I first met her at a Latter-day Saints dance that I was invited to by T and Laura. T snuck off, and I went to go find her. She and Melody were kbitzing in one of the side rooms, and I slipped in. Introductions were made, and they went on talking. She seemed very full of life, and willing to listen about everything. She was sweet, and there was even a bit of an aura around her that sparkled.

That cogitation took a more painful direction in recent years as Gray battled depression and physical pain. On Sunday, his body was found in the East River, two months after he apparently committed suicide. He was 62.

To be perfectly fair, it wasn't until after I started college that she started hanging with the crew. She literally moved into Jessi's house on weekends. We added her to parties almost by osmosis. She was there, so we couldn't exclude her- even if we had wanted to. Somehow she oozed charisma, and was generally fun to be around.

Witnesses had told police they saw Gray on the Staten Island ferry the night he vanished, and his wife, Kathleen Russo, has said she feared he jumped off the boat. Dental records were used to identify the body.

I was jealous of her for a little bit. Only a little bit. I was slightly worried that she'd take Jess away from me as a friend. Within a year, I was already telling myself it was silly, and at the end of year two I had forgotten jealousy completely. She was one of us. She'd be one of the people we'd try to call with a party or impromptu plans.

...Gray's life in recent years was marred by tragedy and depression. A horrific head-on car crash during a 2001 vacation in Ireland to mark his 60th birthday left him disheartened and in poor health, and he tried jumping from a bridge near his Long Island home in October 2002.

There was an unforgettable Art Museum trip to see a picture that might as well have been Melody in a previous life. I introduced her to Drac as "the Reason for the Season"... it was her devirginizing party and she was reveling in the fact that she has shared herself with someone she felt a connection with.

...He even provided an epitaph for his tombstone: "An American Original: Troubled, Inner-Directed and Cannot Type."

It was through Jess that I really got to know her. It was through Jess that I found out that she no longer wanted to be a part of the group. I know it's hurting her more than I. Between Melody and her new boyfriend, she had come to the decision that she was more mature since she started seeing David and wished to be excluded from all future get-togeathers. She essentially cut herself off from everyone. Not only that- she was to be a bridesmaid in Laura's wedding, and backed out of that as well.

Russo reported him missing Jan. 11, a day after he vanished from the couple's apartment. He had just seen the movie "Big Fish" with Russo and one of their children.

And so, I'm left asking myself how much a friendship is worth- and was I ever really her friend? Were any of us? It's what I was afraid of for T- only so much more. T never seperated herself from us. She'd come when she could.

Russo said a memorial service would be held in a few months.

Goodbye, Melody. Goodbye and good luck.


All selections in italics are property of the (c) Associated Press and written by Larry McShane
Remixed and Cremated by Moueska