Sesame Street is brought to you today by the letter M!

Meloncholy may be a bit strong for the week as a whole, but it certainly feels right for today. The wind, the ground, the air- chilled. Then again, it might have been the project that I'm doing for my general studies class.

I remember Breka asking what it was about- well, I just got to find out this past week. I'd missed the first class, my only field trip for the semester, joined the second, and it will be ending on the third week- this Wednesday. I'm supposed to have pictures for a presentation to pass around the class, as well as an extra credit assignment to hand in to make up for missing the first.

So it's because of this that on a sprinkly afternoon my lazy self ended up at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetary. I think I've been half-avoiding it. Two of my relatives that walked beside me, taught me to speak and dance- and play chess- now reside there amongst the sea of white tabs floating on green grass.

Reside- interesting choice of words, that. They don't live there. They merely reside- not sleeping, not eating, not breathing. Not thinking. Perhaps I'm being to philosophical, but that makes me wonder about something...

I'm seriously convinced that if I hadn't gotten turned around I wouldn't have gotten to Grandpa's tombstone today. Honest. I passed 1P and kept going, past Mom's grave, over a small road, stopping to look at the map, calculating a way to get back there. And suddenly, at the next place I pause to look at a marker, I see the letters "TT". Grandpa's.

I pause, looking to the grey sky, already misty and threatening.

"Of course, Grandpa." I get out and look for his, checking row after row, the chill rolling around my shoulders. I wanted it to be summer; I wanted it so very, very badly. Located, it was easy to find again- it radiated a sort of "Here" quality after being found.

Next- Mom's. Another obligatory random ride around the twists before finding the section. I remembered some mumbo-jumbo about a bench and a tree being a marker, but still parked a bit far from where she was. And when I returned to retrieve the digital camera, I parked closer, and sat.

One person who'd actually gone to visit someone else pulled up beside me and asked if I was okay. I waved him on. It still took a few more minutes.

It looked barren, with no flowers or pinwheel or anything. When I get my first paycheck, I know what I'm going to buy. A yellow rose to feed the deer-

I mean-

To put on mom's grave.


~*~*~

Money is something I've needed for months. I mean really, really needed. Not as in "I have got to get PHANTOM on DVD", or "I must have that forbidden donut". With tuition hanging over my head as well as the everyday little problem of "vending machine lunch", my coin jar is the only thing I have to show for my current assets.

My bank is all but drained. I owe Dad for a scratch painted over on the car. It's been an odd month for me. Actually, it's been an odd year for me.

But I guess I'm coping.

And, as an accomplishment to mark off my To-Do list for the month, I begin at TJ Maxx on Wednesday! I'm looking forward to having the first paycheck in my hands- just to feel it, to pretend like they aren't taking out half as many taxes that they are, and to make a small investment in work clothes. (I made the same investment for SEARS, and wore semi-casual clothing to Wolf's.)

But- yay! New job! I'll be getting in as many hours as humanly possible this summer to make up for the year that I've spent in semi-sloth. (Or something like that. At least now I'll have an excuse as to why my room isn't clean. Wait, isn't that on my to-do list as well? Crud...)


~*~*~

Mmmmm...

The other week I got this tremendous craving for French Silk Pie and French Onion Soup. Anybody know a place that serves up both of those at their culinary best? STL/Panera Breadco doesn't count. No French Silk Pie.

If you find one, please- please point me in the right direction! (I mean, outside of that one place in Magna, Utah.)